### Self-Awareness
## Emotional awareness
## Accurate self-assessment
## Self-confidence
### Self-Regulation
## Self-Control
## Trustworthiness
## Conscientiousness
## Adaptability
## Innovation
### Motivation
## Achievement drive
## Commitment
## Initiative
## Optimism
#### SOCIAL COMPETENCE
### Empathy
## Understanding others
## Developing others
## Service orientation
## Leveraging diversity
## Political awareness
### Social Skills
## Influence
## Communication
## Conflict management
## Leadership
## Change catalyst
## Building bonds
## Collaboration and cooperation
## Team capabilities
#### A new Model of Learning
## The billion-Dollar mistake
## Best Practices
#### The Emotionally Intelligent Organization
### Taking the Organizational Pulse
##Burnouts
## Core issues of hidden feelings and assumptions
### The Heart of Performance
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#### PERSONAL COMPETENCE
These competencies determine how we manage ourselves.
### Self-Awareness
Knowing one's internal states, preferences, resources and intuitions
## Emotional awareness
Recognizing one's emotions and their effects
People with this competence
- Know which emotions they are feeling and why
- Realize the links between their feelings and what they think, do, and say
- Recognize how their feelings affect their performance'
- Have a guiding awareness of their values and goals
It takes a mental pause to become sensitive to the subterranean murmur of mood – a moment we rarely take. We typically become aware of emotions only when they build up and boil over. But if we are attentive, we can experience them at subtler levels long before they emerge so strongly.
You have to force yourself to spend some time away from the hustle and bustle of your job in order to get down to reality again.
People who are non-satisfied for their career choices realise in their late forties that something is missing. Highly successful entrepreneurs might say that they don't like what they are doing and they are much happier fixing the engine on their boat and so on. It might be triggered by a marriage falling apart or by finding they're making mistakes because of their inner turmoil. These can be fruitful crises: It starts to crack open their hard veneer - they start to feel emotions they never let themselves feel before, and take a new look at that side of their lives.
Who am I? Where am I going? What do I want?
People have to stop thinking of their feelings as irrelevant and messy.
## Accurate self-assessment
Knowing one's strengths and limits
People with this competence
§ Aware of their strengths and weaknesses
§ Reflective, learning from experiences
§ Open to candid feedback, new perspectives, continuous learning, and self development
§ Able to show a sense of humour and perspective about themselves
Blind Spots
§ Blind ambition – has to win or appear “right” at all costs
§ Unrealistic goals – sets overly ambitious
§ Relentless striving – compulsively hardworking at the expense of all else in life
§ Drives others – pushes other people too hard
§ Power hungry – seeks power for his or her own interests
§ Insatiable need for recognition – takes credit for others’ efforts and puts blame on them for mistakes
§ Preoccupation with appearances – is overly concerned with public image
§ Need to seem perfect – enraged by or rejects criticism
Before you can lead others, before you can help others, you have to discover yourself.
People who are self-aware are also better performers. Example professor who used “on it” word every sentence changed his habit by asking students to raise their hands whenever they heard the words.
## Self-confidence
A strong sense of one's self-worth and capabilities
People with this competence
§ Present themselves with self-assurance; have “presence”
§ Can voice views that are unpopular and go out on a limb for what is right
§ Are decisive, able to make sound decisions despite uncertainties and pressures
Notes
Self-confidence gives us the requisite self-assurance for plunging ahead or stepping in as a leader.
Extreme self-confidence can look like arrogance, especially if the person lacks social skills and it also doesn’t mean brashness.
Highly self-confident people can seem to exude charisma, inspiring confidence in those around them.
To sum up in one word the qualities that make a good manager, it all comes down to decisiveness.
Having skills alone is not enough to guarantee our best performance – we have to believe in our skills in order to use them at their best.
### Self-Regulation
Managing one's internal states, impulses and resources
## Self-Control
Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check
People with this competence
§ Manage their impulsive feelings and distressing emotions well
§ Stay composed, positive, and unflappable even in trying moments
§ Think clearly and stay focused under pressure
Notes
Emotional self-control does not mean denying true feelings.
“Bad” moods have their uses (source of creativity, energy).
If you are sitting there watching the stock market crash and someone coughs in your face, you will probably get the flu.
## Trustworthiness
Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity
People with this competence
§ Act ethically and are above reproach
§ Build trust through their reliability and authenticity
§ Admit their own mistakes and confront unethical actions in others
§ Take tough, principles stands even if they are unpopular
Notes
## Conscientiousness
Taking responsibility for personal performance
People with this competence
§ Meet commitments and keep promises
§ Hold themselves accountable for meeting their objectives
§ Are organized and careful in their work
Notes
Since conscientious people demand so much of themselves they may be overly judgmental to co-workers.
The may lack of empathy and social skills.
## Adaptability
Flexibility in handling change
People with this competence
§ Smoothly handle multiple demands, shifting priorities, and rapid change
§ Adapt their responses and tactics to fit fluid circumstances
§ Are flexible in how they see events
## Innovation
Being comfortable with novel ideas, approaches and new information
People with this competence
§ Seek out fresh ideas from a wide variety of sources
§ Entertain original solutions to problems
§ Generate new ideas
§ Take fresh perspectives and risks in their thinking
Notes
Self-control – in the sense of following the rules predicts failure in innovation.
“Creativity killers”
§ Surveillance – Hovering and constant scrutiny. This stifles the essential sense of freedom need for creative thinking
§ Evaluation – A critical view that comes to soon or is too intense. Evaluation is counterproductive when it leads to a preoccupation with being judged.
§ Overcontrol – Like surveillance, it fosters an oppressive sense of constriction, which discourages originality.
§ Relentless deadlines – A too-intense schedule that creates panic.
### Motivation
Emotional tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals
## Achievement drive
Striving to improve or meet a standard of excellence
People with this competence
§ Are results-oriented, with a high drive to meet their objectives and standards
§ Set challenging goals and take calculated risks
§ Pursue information to reduce uncertainty and find was to do better
§ Learn how to improve their performance
Notes
When job has been mastered the danger of stagnation rises sharply. That explain why midlife is notorious time for career changes. Taking on something new, keep yourself engaged in your work.
Affiliation – liking people – is fine when serves to strengthen relationship in the course of getting the task done, but if you are too caught up with personal relationships at work you can lose sight of the manager’s tasks.
## Commitment
Aligning with the goals of the group or organization
People with this competence
§ Readily make sacrifices to meet a larger organizational goal
§ Find a sense of purpose in the larger mission
§ Use the group’s core values in making decisions and clarifying choices
§ Actively seek out opportunities to fulfill the group’s mission
Notes
Employees who feel strong organizational commitment will put up with highly stressful job conditions if need be long hours, deadline, pressure, and the like – out of devotion to collective goals.
Employees must be treated fairly and respectfully. The more support employees feel from their organization, the more trust, attachment, and loyalty they will feel, and the better organizational citizens they will be.
Once lost trust – and the commitment that stems from it – is hard to rebuild.
Loyalty to the company means – loyalty to your colleges, your team, your project, your customers, yourself.
##Initiative
Readiness to act on opportunities
People with this competence
§ Are ready to seize opportunities
§ Pursue goals beyond what’s required or expected of them
§ Cut through red tape and bend the rules when necessary to get the job done
§ Mobilize others through unusual, enterprising efforts
Notes
Initiative without empathy – or a sense of the bigger picture – can be destructive and typifies managers who perform poorly.
Mistakes are treasures, a chance to improve. Many managers have to realize they should be more tolerant of people’s mistakes – not punish them for it, but help them learn from it.
## Optimism
Persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks
People with this competence
§ Persist in seeking goals despite obstacles and setbacks
§ Operate from hope of success rather than fear of failure
§ See setbacks as due to manageable circumstance rather than a personal flaw
SOCIAL COMPETENCE
These competencies determine how we handle relationships
### Empathy
Awareness of others' feelings, needs, and concerns.
Notes
Empathy is when you sense what your client hopes for, fears – even if he can’t express it in words.
We have to sense our own feelings – have high self-awareness and self-control – and after that we can sense others feelings
Being able to read another’s emotions; at a higher level, it entails sensing our own feeling – sensing and responding to a person’s unspoken concerns or feelings.
To receive clearly the other person’s signals we have to put aside our own emotional agendas for the time.
Picking up the social rhythm and timing of those we work with is essential.
Children on the playground: Children who don’t pick up the crucial cues for smooth intersection; when they want to join a game, they will often just wade in and thereby disrupt it. More socially skilled children, wait and watch awhile. They tune in to the game first and then enter seamlessly at a natural opening.
## Understanding others
Sensing others' feelings and perspectives and taking an active interest in their concerns
People with this competence
§ Are attentive to emotional cues and listen well
§ Show sensitivity and understand other’s perspectives
§ Help out based on understanding other people’s needs and feelings
Notes
Identifying to strongly with someone else’s need, we are more prone to go to extremes in helping them, even that decision harms the collective good.
“Empathy distress” where one person “catches” another person’s upset or joining other person’s pain or distress.
Two common misunderstandings: confusing empathy with psychologizing and belief that empathizing with people is the same as agreeing with them.
The top performers listen and understood the other’s feelings, and offers advice without imposing their own “diagnoses” of what was behind the problem.
Such psychological theorizing may be of interest, even helpful, over a cup of coffee between friends – but it is not appropriate at work.
Understanding someone’s point of view or perspective – knowing why they feel as they do – does not inevitably mean embracing it.
## Developing others
Sensing others' development needs and bolstering their abilities
People with this competence
§ Acknowledge and reward people’s strengths and accomplishments
§ Offer useful feedback and identify people’s needs for further growth
§ Mentor, give timely coaching, and offer assignments that challenge and foster a person’s skills
Notes
Strong coaching or mentoring helps employees perform better enhances loyalty and job satisfaction.
An open, trusting relationship is the foundation of success in on-the-job coaching.
Managing upward – helping a superior to do a better job – is part of this art.
You have to let people to know what they need to improve.
To promote positive expectations: let others take the lead in setting their own goals, rather than dictating the terms and manner of their development; point to problems without offering a solution, this implies they can find the solution themselves.
Putting to much emphasis on coaching and development at the expense of other needs is a danger. Managers who devote too much time and effort to coaching and too little to leading end up doing a mediocre job a best.
## Service orientation
Anticipating, recognizing and meeting customers' needs
People with this competence
§ Understand customers’ needs and match them to services or products
§ Seek ways to increase customers’ satisfaction and loyalty
§ Gladly offer appropriate assistance
§ Grasp a customer’s perspective, acting as a trusted advisor
Notes
Being trusted advisor means occasionally taking a position that runs against the immediate interest of one’s own organization, but is the correct action for the client.
Expressing empathic concern before going on and noting signs of discomfort in response to suggestion leads to resentment.
## Leveraging diversity
Cultivating opportunities through different kinds of people
People with this competence
§ Respect and relate well to people from varied backgrounds
§ Understand diverse worldviews and are sensitive to group differences
§ See diversity as opportunity, creating an environment where diverse people can thrive
§ Challenge bias and intolerance
Notes
Group stereotypes can have an emotional power that negatively affects performance.
The vastly greater variety of people working in organisations of every kind demands a greater awareness of the subtle distortions that stereotypes and bias bring to working relationships.
## Political awareness
Reading a group's emotional currents and power relationships
People with this competence
§ Accurately read key power relationships
§ Detect crucial social networks
§ Understand the focuses that shape views and actions of clients, customers, or competitors
§ Accurately read organizational and external realities
Notes
People with political awareness are able to distance themselves a bit, setting aside their own emotional involvement events to see with more objectivity (can take multiple perspectives.
### Social Skills
Adeptness at inducing desirable responses in others
## Influence
Wielding effective tactics for persuasion
People with this competence
§ Are skilled at winning people over
§ Fine-tune presentations to appeal to the listener
§ Use complex strategies like indirect influence to build consensus and support
§ Orchestrate dramatic events to effectively make a point
Signs of weaknesses in persuading people
§ Failure to build a coalition or get “buy-in”
§ Over reliance on a familiar strategy instead of choosing the best one for the moment
§ Bull-headed promotion of a point of view, no matter the feedback
§ Being ignored or failing to inspire interest
§ Having a negative impact
## Communication
Listening openly and sending convincing messages
People with this competence
§ Are effective in give-and-take, registering emotional cues in attuning their message
§ Deal with difficult issues straightforwardly
§ Listen well, seek mutual understanding, and welcome sharing of information fully
§ Foster open communication and stay receptive to bad news as well as good
Notes
When you communicate openly you unlock the value of a person and open the possibility of getting the best out of people – their energy, creativity.
## Conflict management
Negotiating and resolving disagreements
People with this competence
§ Handle difficult people and tense situations with diplomacy and tact
§ Spot potential conflict, bring disagreements into the open, and help de-escalate
§ Encourage debate and open discussion
§ Orchestrate win-win solutions
Notes
The process of negotiation itself restores cooperation between conflicting parties. Solving their problems together transform their relationship.
Those negotiation where used problem solving or compromise, their long term relationship increased.
Classic moves for cooling down conflicts
§ First, calm down, tune in to your feelings, and express them.
§ Show a willingness to work things out by talking over the issue rather than escalating it with more aggression
§ State your own point of view in neutral language rather than in an argumentative tone
§ Try to find equitable ways to resolve the dispute, working together to find a resolution both sides can embrace
## Leadership
Inspiring and guiding individuals and groups
People with this competence
§ Articulate and arouse enthusiasm for a shared vision and mission
§ Step forward to lead as needed, regardless of position
§ Guide the performance of others while holding them accountable
§ Lead by example
Notes
The art of leadership lies how a person implements change, not just in change itself.
People in groups spend more time looking at the leader than at anyone else. A small change in the facial expression or tone of voice of a powerful figure can have more impact than dramatic shows of feelings by someone in a lesser position of power.
With disturbing emotions a leader saps other people’s energy by making than anxious, depressed, or angry.
Emotional charisma depends on: feeling strong emotions, being able to express those emotions forcefully, and being an emotional sender rather than a receiver.
The most effective leaders are warm and outgoing, emotionally expressive, democratic, and trusting.
Leadership demands though decision-making: someone has to tell people what to do, hold people to their obligations, be explicit about consequences. Persuasion, consensus building, and all other arts of influence do not always do the job. Sometimes it comes down t simply using the power of one’s position to get people to act.
In top-performing managers and executives, the drive of personal ambition is held in check by strong self-control, and focused toward collective goals.
The old static structure of managers and subordinates is outdated.
## Change catalyst
Initiating or managing change
People with this competence
§ Recognize the need for change and remove barriers
§ Challenge the status quo to acknowledge the need for change
§ Champion the change and enlist others in its pursuit
§ Model the change expected of others
Notes
The difference between a renter and a owner – owners are dedicated.
Leaders recognize the value of a new idea or way of doing thing; they often are not the ones who originated the innovation.
Management refers to the ways complex enterprises are kept orderly, no chaotic, and productive. Leadership, by contrast, refers to effectively handling the changes that the competitiveness and volatility of the times have wrought.
## Building bonds
Nurturing instrumental relationship
People with this competence
§ Cultivate and maintain extensive informal networks
§ Seek out relationships that are mutually beneficial
§ Build rapport and keep others in the loop
§ Make and maintain personal friendships among work associates
Notes
Superb intellect and technical talents alone do not make people great team members. High-IQ members spend too much of their time in competitive debate and everyone are so busy trying to be the intellectual star.
## Collaboration and cooperation
Working with others toward shared goals
People with this competence
§ Balance a focus on task with attention to relationships
§ Collaborate, sharing plans, information, and resources
§ Promote a friendly, cooperative climate
§ Spot and nurture opportunities for collaboration
## Team capabilities
Creating group synergy in pursuing collective goals
People with this competence
§ Model team qualities like respect, helpfulness, and cooperation
§ Draw all members into active and enthusiastic participation
§ Build team identity, esprit de corps, and commitment
§ Protect the group and its reputation; share credit
Notes
“None of us are as smart as all of us”
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A new Model of Learning
The billion-Dollar mistake
Men and women seem equally able to increase their EI. While women tend to be stronger in competencies based on empathy and social skills, with men doing better in those based on self-regulation. Also men and women can improve to the same extent, no matter where they start out on a giving competence.
Purely cognitive capacities (IQ) remain relatively fixed, Emotional competence can be learned at any point of life. No matter how insensitive, shy, hot-tempered, awkward, or tuned-out people may be with motivation ant the right effort they can cultivate emotional competence.
One of the best ways to be accepted into the team is to voluntarily help them out in something.
There is a crucial difference between declarative knowledge, knowing a concept and its technical details, and procedural knowledge, being able to put those concepts and details into action. Example knowing how to play piano doesn’t mean you are capable at playing piano.
What has been learned can be unlearned.
Learning in school is, in essence, adding information and understanding to the memory banks of the neocortex.
Best Practices
The best strategy to avoiding destructive encounters is to prevent them.
Common mistake is focusing on people’s weaknesses and failing to note their strong points.
If people are not ready to take action, forcing them will lead to disaster: the sham of going through the motions only to satisfy others, resentment rather than enthusiasm, quitting.
“The feeling ‘I can do it’ is the motor that drives change.” – Robert Caplan
Breaking goals into smaller steps offers easier challenges – and success.
When it comes to emotional competence, all of life can be the arena for change; life itself is the best classroom.
Quick muscle-relaxation method: tighten all the muscles in your body, then let go all at once.
Every relationship is an opportunity for both individuals to practise their personal competencies, and so grow and improve together.
People who develop multiple relationships with a range of co-workers in varying areas of competence stand to improve the most.
Liking does not imply learning.
There are two ways to get fired here. One: not meet your numbers. Two: lie. But the fastest way to get fired is to lie about your numbers.
The Emotionally Intelligent Organization
### Taking the Organizational Pulse
## Burnouts
§ Work overload – too much work to do, with too little time
§ Lack of autonomy – workers see ways to do their work better but are held back by rigid rules.
§ Skimpy rewards – getting too little pay for more work
§ Loss of connection – increasing isolation on the job
§ Unfairness – inequities in how people are treated
§ Value conflicts – a mismatch between a person’s principles and the demands of their job
## Core issues of hidden feelings and assumptions
§ Fear of being wrong led people to withhold information
§ The bosses’ need to control got in the way of people on the team using their best capabilities
§ Suspicion is widespread –people saw each other as unhelpful and not to be trusted
### The Heart of Performance
Twenty or thirty years ago people were willing to give up everything – family, marriage, private time – for their company’s success. Nowadays it is simple wrong answer and way of living.
What we do at the top is what we do at the top is what we do at the bottom. Sharing the work cements relationships vertically in a very strong way, while the stability and reward structure cements relationships horizontally.
